Stream of Consciousness
They say the best thing for writer’s block is just to start writing. Stream of consciousness. Brainstorming. Just see what comes out of your head. I am kind of scared what might come out of my head. At least maybe it will be entertaining or therapeutic to just write. Just listening to the sound of the TV and a DS game and the I pad. All kinds of electronic devices going at our house at any given time. Also lots of messes. I often wonder if other people’s houses look like ours, or if we are really disgusting, weird people who should have our own show on TLC or at least a Dateline special. I try to keep things clean. I really do. But every 3rd day or so I look around and wonder what the hell happened. The dishes are piled up. There are no clean bowls or spoons for us to have cereal for dinner since I don’t feel like cooking. There are piles of clothes that are spilling over into other piles of clothes, so I am now not sure which is the clean pile and which is the dirty pile. I lie in bed at night sometimes and worry that if Scott and I both die in our sleep, this is how we will be remembered. They will find the kids who haven’t had a real shower in a week since the chlorine in the pool kills most of their funk and school is out, so there is no reason to worry too much about hygiene. They will find our dirty kitchen and piles of clothes and a stinky bathroom. They will think, “Oh those poor kids. We had no clue they were living in such horrid conditions. They always seemed like such a nice family, who would have thought?” Sometimes these thoughts have taken over so fiercely that I talk myself into getting out of bed to at least run the dish washer and scrub the toilet.
We have a new dog. He is not helping my house cleaning. We were told that he was the perfect dog and that he is house trained. However, we were not told that he has a drinking problem. He doesn’t know when to say when. He keeps drinking and drinking and drinking and then he pukes on my carpet. And then he tries to lick it up. Then I start feeling like I want to puke.
Scott made me the best present of my life that he presented to me on our wedding night. It is a CD of songs and poetry and him saying wonderful things about how great I am. I never listen to it, because it makes me cry. The other night I wasn’t feeling well, so I was lying down in bed. Scott was hanging out with the kids and making them dinner, and they some how got on the subject of how we met. He told them the whole story, and then he played the CD for them. He said they were wide eyed and so excited to hear it. Max came and got in bed with with and said, “I know how you and daddy met and how much he loves you. We listened to your CD, and it made me want to cry.” I asked him why it made him want to cry. He said, “Because I love you so much, and after I heard the CD it made me love you even more.” Those may be the sweetest words ever said to me. I know how much I love him. And Scott and Jack and Stella. And I know sometimes I look at them and just love them more than I thought I already did. So I know what he meant.
Categories: Random Crap